Feeling better

Been a quite day. Went drinking last night with some friends of mine. Had a good time. Really needed to let my hair down.

The weather is going up to the 70's this week which always help with depression. Living in the north country people get what the medical field calls SAD from lack of sun light. This year Spring is actually coming early. With all of the negative things going on in the world we need some thing positive.

I put a lot of applications in for jobs last week but have not heard anything back yet. I am still getting my unemployment thank God. The area I live is not a lot of jobs with my qualifications. I am thinking of relocating to Ohio were my daughter lives. She lives in a larger city, I live in a rural area with vacationers and retires.

I don't want to move but I have to look out for my future also.

Sicko boy friend had a by-pass done on his arteries in his legs and it seem to have help with the erratic behavior. He is getting more oxygen to his brain. Plus he is getting therapy, AA meetings and going to church now.

He is still begging to come back and I keep telling him no, there was to much damaged done. Plus when I had asked him to get help he would not, it is to late. My heart feels nothing for him anymore. My heart does not feel much of anything anyway, its dead. I try hard to get my heart to feel anything but I just don't care anymore about anything.

I sit in a daze most of the time wondering where it is all going to end up.

I love my children but they are grown and on their own they don't need me anymore. I think on how my family will miss me if I am gone but it will pass and they will go on with their lives as nothing ever happen.

I am a dead person walking.