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Monday, January 11, 2010

As he enjoys himself

I lay in the dark tears streaming down my cheeks as he is laying on top of me enjoying himself, unaware of the tears I cry, and the hatred I feel in my heart for him.
Each day is becoming harder to control the feelings in my mind and soul. I am so grateful my children do not know about the humiliation their Mother is going through. I suffer in silence so no one will ever know the indignity he puts me through. Everyone thinks he is such a nice guy, how he loves me so much. If they only knew.
I thank God that I have made it one more day. I keep telling myself this will pass and tomorrow will be better than the day before.
Tears, tears and more tears stream down my face my heart is broken. I stare off into the distance wondering how much longer can I endure the pain in my throat. Choking back the screams I feel in the depth of my soul wanting to erupt like a volcano that has not erupted in centuries. Spewing out the vial of disgust and shame I feel about myself for being such a weakling. Allowing this man to control me. He uses me when he wants, whenever he wants. Disregarding my wishes to be left alone. If I say no he gets angry and says I don't consider his feelings. If I don't give in to his lust then I have to endure his physical and emotional abuse.

So I lay in the dark with him on top of me with my tears sliding silently down my cheeks.


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