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Friday, October 23, 2009

Depression from change of life

God has to be a man because a woman would never make us women go through the hormonal swings I am going through.  I can not take hormone's because of family history of breast cancer.

I need a job, I don't want to work, I am going stir crazy from not working, I want to go to work, I need to go to work, I can make it without working, I really want to go to work for something to do, I can not afford to take any job, if I go to work it has to be a certain amount of money to make it.

If being  a woman is suppose to be glorious I have not seen the humor/glory in it.

Regret is something I have felt most of my life.
Regret for being born, being a female, being alive, just being.
Regret my feelings, for bad decisions, not making decisions, not keeping a job. for staying in relationships that are no good, for quiting relationships that were good, for not being there for the ones that loved me, regret just being.

The wind is blowing, my heart is hurting, my mind is dead, my soul needs to sleep.
How many more years of this hormonal hell must I go through.
I can't  take natural herbs for the swings because I am allergic to pollen, can't  take prescriptions because of family history of cancer. Doctors says I just have to live with it.

With this whine I give you cheese.

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