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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

First Chapter of my Thoughts

Welcome to my thoughts on life in general. Every day we each go through life unaware of what is on the horizon. I start a new journey today.

Last night, my male friend of 5 years and 6 months went and spent the night with his girlfriend that he said did not exist.
Of course, I showed him the emails between them, all I got from him, the-deer-in-the-head-light-look. But I am supposed to let him live in my house and make no waves. Like that's going to happen.


Of course, I was the one fooling around, yeah right. Just because I am too sick to have sex every night I was being unfaithful. That is usually the first sign when your spouse is fooling around on you. They accuse you of fooling around.

I first met him Feb. 2004. Had been seeing him for over a year before I discovered he had another girlfriend and a wife. May 30, 2005, I was in his truck in Laredo TX at the time. The phone rang, him sleeping, so I answered it not thinking about it being another woman. It's his other girlfriend, she wanted to know who I was. Ditto, I wanted to know who she was.
After that, I asked him was there anything else I needed to know. "Yeah, I am married."

We both drove semi trucks so looking back it made it easy for him to be unfaithful to us all. If I had any self-worth I should have run like hell right then and there but I did not.

You see, I had been sick and tired and had no fight left in me. It has been a long 4 years since that day. I am feeling better now so if you stick with me and follow my Blogging I'll tell you the story of child abuse, physical and sexual, pregnant at 15, gave the baby up for adoption and married by 16. Four of my grandchildren taken by the state that I could not stop them in the summer of 2006.
He called me up as I am watching with tears streaming down my face my grandchildren being ushered into a van to be driven away from me forever. He is screaming over the phone "You are never here for me, go to hell you bitch. I have someone who loves me and is always here for me." Then hangs up. My heart was beyond ripping out of my chest that day. Why I am still sane I cannot tell you why. By all rights, I should be locked up in a loony bin. He broke my ribs and bit my breast so hard that it was bruised for 2 months. God, I hate the fact I allowed him to be so cruel to me. And yet I cry.

How my second husband tried to set me on fire after watching the movie "The Burning Bed."

What it was like being raised by parents, father born in 1897 and mother 1915.
Yes, I said father born 1897. He was 58 years old and my mother was 40 years old when I was born in 1955.

Lost my home to foreclosure in 2003.

The third husband cheated on me and I took him back. Until I found him in his office with the new girlfriend, divorced him in 1999. I am just too trusting or just too stupid. Don't know which one.

I have a lot to talk about.

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