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Saturday, October 3, 2009

Grieving the loss of the future and the Change of Life

Well I have a fresh cup of Java, Colombian. (always) Fire going in the fireplace to keep me warm from the cold rain outside.

Been thinking, I know that can be dangerous. I did a webinar this week and I think it was a good one but ya never know.
I really want to get making money off of the Internet but my brain just is not as quick as it use to be. I use to be able to read something and visualize it as I am reading. Now I have to read it over and over then I still am wondering "What the Hell did I just read."

You see I am 53 years old and I no-longer get my monthly friend but now I have the miserable side effects of "THE CHANGE OF LIFE." Dry skin and vaginal dryness, so bad you itch like crazy, power surges, otherwise known as "hot flashes", memory slips, but I hear it comes back later on. Where it temporarily goes I have no idea. Funny smells that are not there. Weight gain, mood swings, "Oh my God the mood swings", night sweats; covers on, covers off, covers on, covers off, no wonder I wake up tiered. Loss of or decreased sexual desire. Well here is a link for all the fun things you girls get to look forward too. http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/menopause/a/perimenopause.htm
It only last 15 to 20 years.

What the hell?  I wonder some days, "What was I going to do?  So I write lists. ROFL. Damn what did I do with that list.

Today I want to talk about the real pain of ending a relationship. It is not the ending of all the bullshit you have been through it's the grieving of the death of all the plans you had made with your partner, soul mate, buddy.

Now you have to start building new plans and goals. First you have to get the cobwebs out of your head and let the aching in your heart to subside so you can start the process of planning.

If you have been with me through my adventures of a relationship you know I am now starting my planning stage.

(He wants to come back) I guess the sex wasn't enough to make him and her happy. They have to talk!!!!
I have told him NO NO NO NO.

Joined a woman's pool league, starting next Monday night. This will keep me busy through the winter months into spring one night a week. It's a start. Searched through E Harmony today to see what new adventures I can get myself into. There is possibilities. I just want a friend to do stuff with. Living up here in the Winter Wonderland it can be a very long time before the sun comes out again and the grass will grow. I live in the snow belt. It gets about six feet deep, snow that is.

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